If a person says that you are perfect, but they do not choose you, it should be seen as a blessing. Not only have you dodged a bullet, but you have also saved yourself precious time that could be spent with someone else who sees you as an ideal partner. Although it is tempting to try and change a person’s mind about their decision, you must realize that by attempting to convince someone that they made the wrong choice, you are only pushing them away further. Instead, it is best to walk away from the person completely. This not only allows you to gain the feeling of power, but it also instills a sense of confidence knowing that it was your choice not to chase them.
While not being chosen may bruise your ego, you must remember that it is not your job to show someone how great you are. The right person will see what you bring to the table and will be quick to show you that they appreciate what you have to offer. The reason why many men and women, especially when they are younger, struggle with dating is because they have yet to understand their worth. They believe that through chasing someone and doing everything they can to ‘earn’ their place, they should be rewarded with a person’s attention and commitment. Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that most men and women who chase do this because they desire validation from someone other than themselves.
Similarly, someone who says that a person is perfect but does not choose them is generally reacting to a past heartbreak, is unsure of what they are looking for, or is afraid of commitment/settling down. As such, it is important to remind yourself that not being chosen by someone often has nothing to do with you and everything to do with outside influences that are beyond your control. While a person may find you physically attractive, maybe even sexually attractive, there may be something else beyond you that is causing them to become hesitant about you. And as a result, they sabotage an experience with you or become distant to protect themselves.
What do you do if this happens to you? Well, the answer is simple. Move on! Don’t wait and grovel over someone who does not appreciate you. If you stay, you are essentially giving your power away and telling them that you believe you would not be able to find someone better. This will cause some people to abuse this power and continue to string you along just to boost their ego and demonstrate control. But by taking a step back and completely removing yourself from their lives, you can take power back. Much like a breakup, it is best to work on yourself, try to understand where and when things went off track, and count their departure as a blessing. Once you have done that, by all means, get yourself back out there and start dating again!
By: Dillion de Wid
“Previously published by Thought Catalog at https://thoughtcatalog.com.”